“We recognize non-physical forms of energy. In the presence of someone’s energy, we can sense them.” Interesting…a memory was triggered of a guy that I loved, you know that all-consuming, must be italicized in writing love…but obviously misplaced love because it didn’t last. Anyway, I could always sense when he was around me after our break up and that sense lasted for almost a year…I told you it was an all-consuming love. The sense I got was a funny feeling in my chest and stomach, when I looked up, there he would be, either driving by me or walking out of a store, etc. I tried to explain that feeling to my friends but it seemed crazy and I couldn’t fully explain the sensation that I always knew he was near me before I saw him. I don’t have that feeling any longer…I guess as time went on and I healed from that break up, the connection between us died and so did that sense. But I guess that is the energy that I am learning about today and it’s reassuring that I can apply personal experience to the theoretical concept. Have you ever experienced this?
This whole program is a lengthy explanation of the law of attraction, they call it the secret behind the secret. By the law of attraction, you magnetically attract the things you think about most often, whether you want them or not. I thought about abandonment all the time and I was abandoned…twice. Read into that I am referring to HE and the guy mentioned above. To be fair, my thought was that I don’t want to be dumped or left behind or made to feel worthless but apparently the universe doesn’t differentiate…if that is what my mind is focused on then that is what will come to be…according to the law of attraction. So…am I forced to look in the mirror and say that I was the cause of both of those break ups? That thought alone is enough to scare me straight! Talk about the horrors of all horrors! I have been happily blaming THEM for so long but now I have to take some ownership?
Despite that realization, I am feeling content today, hopeful and peaceful. Had you asked me last night…very different story, very different feelings. I felt sad, lost and lonely. I couldn’t sleep. I actively spend a lot of my day daydreaming and I experience positive and negative emotions because of my daydreams. What can I say…I’m a Pisces…not that I’m a huge astrological person but I guess us Pisces are known to be dreamers! Lately, my daydreams have been focused around what I would say to HIM. I want and deserve a real conversation with him more than a cowardly FB messenger break up that I compare to the Sex and the City post it note break up…you just don’t break up with someone that way. We all have to go through the awkward conversation ‘it’s not you, it’s me, but really…we all know it’s you’. Then, because of my day dreams, I get angry with him. Then I feel empowered by my daydream conversations because they are mostly things I would never say in real life nor have I been given the opportunity to say.
God, I sound a bit crazy! It’s just that break ups are hard and made even harder when you never get the chance to say the things you really want to say.
“I am organized and will remain focused”. Little roadblock…I am not focused! These affirmations are the hardest part! My mind floated to a guy that asked me out last night. It is definitely too soon to begin dating, right? Maybe I could use him as a little diversion? No…definitely too soon to start dating. Then I thought about the movie Julie and Julia…it was on television last night and I watched about 20 min of it, I truly don’t think it made a big impact on me but I guess my brain was more interested in that than remaining focused on my affirmations. I guess my mind is not ready for its own personal soundtrack!
- My friends that value our traditions as much as I do.
- My clients that love working with me not against me.
- My creative mind which is always conjuring up ideas…some may not be the best idea’s but I’ll take what I can get!
As I tried to meditate, I relax, take several deep breaths and let my mind go. I ask myself, ‘How powerful is my mind?’, as this was the instruction for today’s meditation. Immediately, I go back to when I was in my 20’s. Almost every night before I fell asleep, I would daydream about being sick and in a hospital bed. I was surrounded by friends and family, flowers and cards, such an outpouring of love. Morbid, perhaps but I was seeking the feeling of love but in a very dark way.
Anyway, fast forward 10 years and out of the blue I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 34, healthy, no family history…it was a total fluke. During my treatment, I went through genetic testing to try to determine where it came from but it truly was an oddity. Thankfully, I am fine now and have made it past the much feared and much celebrated 5-year mark. Is it possible that my mind created that from my nightly fantasies of being sick? Is my mind that powerful?
Day two is done and thought provoking! I have been shown that I could have been the cause of two men that I love(d) dearly leaving me AND causing my own cancer! Dear God…if all this is true I should dedicate more time to positive thoughts than to dark, negative or morbid thoughts…just in case!
Stay tuned for day 3! Next week!